Originally Posted on September 7th, 2010.
So my website has been a ghost town. I've had trouble writing these past two weeks. It's not that the thoughts aren't there, they are growing more in number if anything. I have one month left before I leave India, and I am filled with complex emotions and overwhelming thoughts. It's difficult to explain how I have become attached to Bangalore or India in general. I will leave and I might not ever see this place again. Every time that I attempt write about the thoughts, feelings, and experiences I become overwhelmed. I attempt to tune myself out from the constant thought processes by smoking pot. Sometimes I am successful and I relax myself in a short state of pure enjoyment. Other times, I get the inspiration to write; and then the thinking escalates. My mind never stops thinking about everything I am experiencing. My brain, this analysis machine is constantly on the lookout for a new victim to shred. Perhaps my issue stems from my inability to stay forever busy and the concept that "Idle hands are the devil's playground." Or maybe it is a spiritual issue on my pathway to gain a greater awareness about life and the world around me. If such is the case, perhaps I have become addicted to searching for myself here and fear my return to reality in our perfect American world. Either way or another, my thoughts are scattered and I have officially tipped my scale towards lunacy.
So my website has been a ghost town. I've had trouble writing these past two weeks. It's not that the thoughts aren't there, they are growing more in number if anything. I have one month left before I leave India, and I am filled with complex emotions and overwhelming thoughts. It's difficult to explain how I have become attached to Bangalore or India in general. I will leave and I might not ever see this place again. Every time that I attempt write about the thoughts, feelings, and experiences I become overwhelmed. I attempt to tune myself out from the constant thought processes by smoking pot. Sometimes I am successful and I relax myself in a short state of pure enjoyment. Other times, I get the inspiration to write; and then the thinking escalates. My mind never stops thinking about everything I am experiencing. My brain, this analysis machine is constantly on the lookout for a new victim to shred. Perhaps my issue stems from my inability to stay forever busy and the concept that "Idle hands are the devil's playground." Or maybe it is a spiritual issue on my pathway to gain a greater awareness about life and the world around me. If such is the case, perhaps I have become addicted to searching for myself here and fear my return to reality in our perfect American world. Either way or another, my thoughts are scattered and I have officially tipped my scale towards lunacy.
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